I DO (NOT)
Ally Bradshaw checking in!
This part of my story begins with my first night over at Daniel’s place. If you remember, my apartment has been cordoned off and was marked as a crime scene following the chaos with Mark Warren who tragically lost his life on my bedroom floor.
Yes. He was dirty, but it was still tragic. It shouldn’t have happened, but then again, it was him or Daniel and if I had to choose, it wouldn’t be Mark Warren.
I choose Daniel, over and over again.
I still feel rather guilty about Michael and Lily’s night in jail. But then again, maybe it was just what he needed since Michael has done a complete back-flip and is the sweetest he has been in years.
If you ask me, I think roughing it out for a night in prison did him a world of good. Just don’t tell anyone I said so, I’d deny it.
Or, so I thought.
I have no plans to return to my apartment and am hoping to find another one as soon as I can. In the meantime, it’s Daniel, Lucy and I, all under one damn roof.
That’s right, I have a feeling Lucy will be staying over a lot more after Daniel invited her to spend my first night at his place; the first night I am to spend under that same freaking roof.
I am irritated by that. Somehow, neither of us trust ourselves to be alone with each other.
Whatever. I want to respect Daniel’s feelings and I truly do want him to find his joy, but, I too want bliss and happiness and all such things. I know. I realized it too late, and yes, I missed my chance.
I just don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to keep punishing myself for it, but more than anything, I want to cling to the hope I have that I might still have a chance with him.
Still. As much as I hate the idea of being under the same roof, secretly, I am happy to have a couple of days breathing in his space. I am torn between wanting to be there, and wanting to run so far away from his voice, his scent, his face, his hands and his touch. I want to run away from my mistakes and pretend they never happened. Oh, and I want to hide my boring, drab self from Lucy woozy.
But, as much as I want to run, and as far as I want to run to, there is just too much going on at the moment in my life; over and above looking for a new apartment. My birthday is on Friday, and I go back to work the following Monday.
Actually, I initially considered spending my birthday weekend with my parents, but I am not too keen on showing my face in Water Hills just yet. Mostly, I don’t want to quite face Ryan again, yet. I know Bianca well enough to know that she will be making plans for my birthday and I’m looking forward to it; just not to turning thirty-two.
Then, we have Michael and Lily’s wedding to look forward to. I have not yet received an invitation, but I am hoping to talk Damon into being my date. Yes. The lawyer. We, Daniel and I, are seeing him on Monday morning, so let’s see if I can flirt shamelessly while hoping he falls for it, and twist his arm.
Daniel and I have statements to sign and paperwork to get through. I am still a little apprehensive about this whole thing with Mark, and I’d hate for Daniel to be charged with murder for defending me and saving my life. Right now, I don’t trust the law much and am skeptical of all law enforcement officers. I shudder each time I am faced with the events of that night; each time I consider a reality in which Daniel could have died. This entire situation has left me unnerved and edgy.
Follow me on this, the journey that will change everything I thought I knew about myself. A journey I was never ready for and sure as hell, could never prepare for. I am faced with the ultimate betrayal of someone I have trusted for most of my life. I am left with not only fighting for my heart, my sanity and my soul, but my life.
I am crushed by the consequences of my actions and the sequence of events that took place as a result. In all honesty, I am not quite sure I could ever survive, or move on after being faced with my greatest fear, and it has nothing to do with Daniel.
I am feeling a little off’ish, so call me whatever you like.